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**WARNING: THIS IS A RANT**
I'm noticing I have become a complainer more and more over the past few months. Not really my style, but hey, I try to be as optimistic as I can given the circumstances.
Well, where should I start? I am really fed up with being in the Reserves. No joke, it really seems like a waste of my time when I don't have any direction or guidance on what exactly my "job title" entails. I am in charge of three troops who expect me to know everything, when I have no one to ask or turn to myself. Thus, I am tired of it. Not to mention some of the new upper management issues are starting to get a little TOO hooyah, if you know what I mean. When I joined, I joined for the camaraderie, the belonging, the deployments, the money for school... not hey let's sit around and either, A.) not know what to do, or B.) not have anything to do. At this point in my career, I am ready to cross train and I am ready to get out of the Reserves. You try to cram so much into one weekend, but where is the actual training? The whole MEANING behind it?! I am flabbergasted when I see the schedule of events for the weekends we have to go. It's not my cup of tea. I want the gore, the guts, the sweat, the drive, the importance... not the ever widening of my derriere from sitting in a chair all day pretending to act busy. It's frustrating when you have this motivation to do better and make something of yourself, and it sits there with lackluster. Maybe it's just me, but I think I am too high speed for the Reserves. Maybe it is just my unit, who knows, but after a good 3 years, I think it's time I move on and up in my career.
Speaking of deployments- as aforementioned, my fabulous getaway to glorious Germany has been cancelled. Talk about a buzzkill. I keep thinking about how exciting it was going to be to see something new and go somewhere on the governments dime. Travelling is what I love, and it sucks so bad to have that stripped away.
Facing my employer is the worst part of it all. I have tried desperately to get another job while I had the time. I have applied and applied, but nothing. Finally I had ONE call back and ONE interview for my dream job...However, I have not heard anything back yet and I am on pins and needles waiting for this damn phone call to say, "Kayla, you're hired." All I need in life is not materialistic like I once thought- but I need some stability in my life. I need that something to keep me going. I hate retail, always have, always will. If you keep up with my blog, you'll know the torture and torment I go through while working for a major retailer. It's hell. I pray every single day, "Lord, please let something turn around for me. I need your help." So far, he's given me the means to stay afloat while I haven't had financial support, but I need this new job to keep my sanity and give me something to believe in again. I know, I beg and beg, but I am desperate for something uplifting.
Since I am on a roll here, I am really just GAH that it's been over a month since the accident and I am moving in reverse. I was getting better and now all of the sudden, I am noticing myself getting worse. One is supposed to create their own destiny, and I never created this. I created myself sitting on the beach drinking a MO-JI-TO and a mariachi band, not sitting on the couch having to readjust every five minutes just so I don't loose feeling in my arm or legs.
Well, sorry for the tirade, now I must gander on over to the Chiro office and get my massage on, get taped up, and hopefully get some answers.
Stay positive in your day, in your ventures.
WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER
In the words of Lightning McQueen: KA-CHOW
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